The Naturally Thin Struggle, Too

 

Ever since I started writing and publishing this blog, a shockingly high number of people, most of whom I least expect, have reached out to me and said they could relate to my writing on some level or another. In fact, I have recently started to feel more connected to my peers than ever before because I have chosen to share some of my troubled past. Funny how that works.

Late last week an old friend of mine from my early college years sent me a message that completely changed my perceptions of the naturally thin. Honestly, I always thought this friend of mine had the 'perfect' body, was absolutely gorgeous, and had her life together. I was incredibly jealous of her to say the least. Reading about her experiences was heartbreaking because she hid her struggles so well and I know how difficult that can be...

"Although I don't suffer from an eating disorder, I have battled for several years with severe/chronic depression. I actually started feeling that way after years of being teased because of how thin I was (I naturally have always been underweight), people would constantly tell me I looked "gross" and "sick" and all kinds of bad things. All I wanted was to have curves like "real women" did. Funny how so many women strive to be thin but there I was thin as a rail and I was the most self-conscious person around, humiliated and disgusted by how I looked. 

I have been in and out of several mental institutions and on different medications and have just this year found some peace from this illness after completing a behavioral health program after I was hospitalized (yet again) for severe depression. I have also attempted suicide once a few years back during one of my most darkest days. 

There is a daily struggle with learning to love myself and all my flaws. I used to feel like I was too ugly and worthless to even leave the house. I also struggle with body dimorphic disorder. Spending hours a day looking at pictures of 'beautiful women'', and staring at myself in the mirror hours on end just to end up feeling like I'm the most disgusting person on earth. The mind is SUCH powerful thing, and its unfortunate that us women get to the point where these illnesses ruin our lives and steal our joy. Fat, thin, tall, short," beautiful", or not... each woman deserves to feel good about themselves, despite what society makes us feel."

I think there is a huge misconception in today's society that makes us believe life would somehow be perfect if we are thin. The multi-billion dollar diet industry is proof that most Americans strive for the so-called perfect body. This friend proved to me that 1.) having the perfect body doesn't solve all problems and 2.) even those who appear to be perfect don't necessarily have their lives in order. Maybe I'm not alone in my insecurities after all.

My friend's exact words were, "I just want girls to know that they aren't alone. Even girls who seem to "have it all together" are sometimes suffering inside."

 
Perhaps my previous post about being normal isn't so abnormal after all.

Progress.




Thank you again, you know who you are, for sharing!! :)